Discovering You

The other night I was about to give Luke a bath and at the last second decided to take a bath with him. I used to do that every once in a while when Nathan was younger and we always had so much fun.

Actually the first time I took a bath with Luke he was about 2 weeks old and it was such a sweet time. However, he got hungry during the bath and I thought "I'll just nurse you right here" and I did. Except everyone who has had a newborn knows about every time they eat: they poop. Yep. The kid pooped all over me. Marcus thought it was pretty hilarious when I screamed for him to help.

Now Luke is 13 months old and we sat there playing with plastic bath toys and the wash cloth. I quickly discovered that he thinks it's the funniest thing in the WHOLE world when I trap air with the wash cloth and put it under water letting him squeeze it out causing bubbles to go everywhere. It kind of makes a fart noise so that figures that he, being a boy, thinks it's hilarious.

I began to ponder about my relationship with him versus my relationship with Nathan. My relationship with them is so different from each other. And of course they are different. My boys are two different people therefore I cannot have the same relationship with each of them. Their personalities aren't the same. They'll each always need something slightly different from me.

With Nathan- I get him. I always have. It feels like we are on the same wavelength. I think that's why we can frustrated each other so easily- because we are so alike! His whole life- I can just look in his eyes and I know. I know what he is feeling. There hasn't been much guessing with him.

But with Luke it's a different story. Although we have bonded through breastfeeding, it sort of feels like it hasn't gone beyond that.

Sometimes when I act silly with him he gives me this look, this stare, and I'm not quite sure if I'm amusing him or if he wants to punch me in the face to get me to stop.

It could have to do somewhat with the fact that he's my second born and I'm more busy than I was when Nathan was this little. It could have to do with his personality being more like Marcus' while Nathan is like me. It could have to do with the fact that Luke is not a cuddlier- he wants to nurse and immediately be put down while Nathan was always content to just sit with me and "be." And also- I've had 4 1/2 years with Nathan and just a year with Luke- so of course I know Nathan better.

However, I'm realizing I'm going to have to discover Luke in a way that I never had to do with Nathan. I'm going to have to be intentional with spending time with him. Figure out what he likes and dislikes. And I might have to discover how to be okay with the thought that Luke might be more independent than Nathan when it comes to what he needs from me. And that's ok.

Because I'm looking forward to discovering him. This blessing from above. This red head spunky child of mine.

I'm looking forward to discovering who my children are. Who God made them to be. And in the end- I believe discovering them will also teach me so much more about myself too.