I had another blog post ready for today about extended rear facing car seats but I think that post will wait a day or two. Instead I just want to share about what's been on my heart and what God has been doing in my life lately.
The best blog posts I read on other people's site are the ones where they open up and let themselves be vulnerable and I hope to always be real and vulnerable here. This will never be the funniest, wittiest, craftiest, cleverest, do-it-yourself-est blog out there. Not even close. It's just me with my heart on my sleeve.
Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine- although when it is it's great to soak in those moments but there are also moments of grief and heartache.
I am very grateful that I have not lost an extremely close relative. I have my husband, my children, my parents and brother and nephew, Marcus' family, my friends. There are all here with me on this side of heaven. I know I have yet to feel true heartache and grief but I also know that someday I will. My grandma, who I was pretty close to, passed a few years ago and I'd say that was the closest relative of mine that has gone on.
A part of me feels guilt that I haven't experienced that heartache. I don't <i>want</I> to know what it feels like. No one does. But in a world where almost everyone has lost someone close to them- and I haven't really- I feel like I have---somehow cheated? Does that make sense? My heart honestly can't understand what they are going through even though I sympathize and hurt along with them.
With that being said- when I hear about other people losing someone? Especially a child? I feel like I have been stabbed. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my heart. Even if I didn't know the family personally. I just can't imagine.
The phrase "life is precious" seems so inadequate to express what that truly means. But that's what God has been showing me over and over for the past week.
A local couple recently lost their newborn baby during birth. A healthy pregnancy, 9 months of preparation and he's gone. Although I'm not directly related to this family I am cousins to their relatives (if that makes sense) and was excited for them when they were getting close to having their son.
A family I have known for years recently had a healthy baby boy. Almost immediately after his birth their 3 year old daughter, Elise, was diagnosed with leukemia.
My dear cousin, Sara, has been fighting the most aggressive type of breast cancer for 4 years and the battle is getting harder. She was in the hospital this week from severe pain.
My dad's coworker died of a massive heart attack this morning at work. My dad just talked to him not long before it happened.
When my dad called to tell me I was struck with the "that could have been my dad" thought. And it could have. They are almost the same age. My dad's family has a history of heart disease and my dad's dad barely made it past 50 years old.
My heart is heavy for these families. Although I know God is good and he can turn ashes into beauty- the hard days for them will still be hard.
Death is unnatural. Everyone says it's a natural part of living. But it's not. Death entered the world as a result of sin. It's not the way it's supposed to be and someday death will be no more. That's one reason it hurts so bad- it's not normal. It will never get easy or less painful with someone dies, yet we have a God who is the great comforter. Who walks along side of those people hurting, carries them and wipes away their tears. Who gives rays of hope when they think they will never feel hope again.
As God has been showing me how precious and fragile life is- it's been helping me step back from the minor frustrations of my everyday life and see the big picture.
Suddenly my kid's messes aren't that messy.
My household chores aren't that overbearing.
The cluttered counter doesn't clutter up my brain as much.
The public displayed temper tantrum isn't as embarrassing.
My husband's crazy work schedule doesn't bother me so much.
Last night as I looked in their rooms and smiled at their sleeping forms- my heart lifted. I am blessed to be their momma. I am blessed to have my family and friends. I am grateful not to have felt the heartache of losing someone close.
Life is the most important.
I want to hang on to every little bit of it I can.
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NIV)
It's so sad and scary to hear of loss around you. Even if it's not someone you directly know, it still puts a burden on your heart. I have lost a few people very close to me and at the time you don't think anyone understands you, even if they've been through the same thing. I pray that you live a long, long time before you experience this yourself. I do understand what you mean by sympathizing but at the same time not understanding what they're going through. It's tough.
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