Let's Be Real

Recently I've seen a trend in the blogging world that I love. Many have been honestly blogging about their...well...imperfections.... and I find it to be so refreshing.

We are not perfect. No one on this earth is. So why do we want to always show each other our best? Maybe it's because we are insecure about what we consider failures and portraying our best side makes us feel better? Maybe it's because we don't want to feel vulnerable? Or maybe it's just habit.

It's not lying to show our best- but it's not the entire truth either.

Haven't you ever seen someone mess up or realized they haven't got it together? While that person might have worried about being judged you were probably silently thinking "oh good- they're not as perfect as I thought- this makes me feel so much better and I like them even more for it. I feel closer to them."

Seeing others imperfections makes us feel normal.

We really have a crazy way of thinking (and when I say "we" I mean our society) We think that if we show our strengths and the things we excel in- then we will be more liked. But are people that try to appear perfect ever really liked? It's the imperfections that draw us together. The recognition that someone else struggles with the same thing as we do.

I doubt this was an issue back in the days before HGTV and Facebook and Pinterest.

Back in the day (did I really just say that?) we could only really compare ourselves with those who we physically saw in person. Now with the tv and internet there are literally millions we can compare with- not that we should- but face it- we do.

We're drowned in images of what we should be or should look like and what once might have felt like enough suddenly makes us feel like failures- when the only area we are failing at is taking God word to heart that we are precious and perfect as we are. Because he made us. And He doesn't make mistakes. Yes, we are sinners. But with the sacrifice that Jesus made on our behalf- that makes us invaluable. Irreplaceable. Unique. Worthy.

So the question is- how do we stop compairing?

Honestly? I don't know.

It's something I have always struggled with but I'm getting better with maturity.

I wish I could send a message to my 15 year old self that had so many "if only" thoughts running through her mind.

If only I had her nose or her hair or her personality or her flat stomach. It can take over and before you know it you are living in an "if only" world and missing out on here and now.

So let's start off by being more truthful. Yes I have posted pictures of some nice dinners (I think so at least) I've made for my family lately on Facebook. But do you notice the picture is zoomed in so you can't see the disaster that my kitchen is? It's so bad right now I could probably call FEMA (jk)

What we share is usually only a snapshot of the entire picture.

I hope that my friends would say that for them I "zoom out" and show them the mess around the lovely dinner. That I am open and honest and "what you see is what you get"- I cry and laugh and get angry and sad and wear my heart on my sleeve.

But I wonder...why can't I do that with myself? If that makes sense. To others I'm like "this is me- and I'm sorta a mess sometimes but that's ok" but to myself I easily get lost again in the world of "what-if"s and "if only"s.

So the point of my late night rambling...is I want to cheer the women who are real and honest. Who make me realize that I AM completely normal (ok maybe a little crazy). Who on faith step out and say "here ya go world- this is me- take it or leave it!"

Keep it up ladies!

It brings us together as women.

We don't have it all together. And that's okay. Because there really is only One who does- and we're going to miss out if we spend all our energy trying to impress and pretend.

Let the truth bond us in a way that all the lies of the society and media can't break. And let's teach our daughters what normal really looks like. So the next generation can break out of the "if only" world and own today for what it is an how fabulous they really are.

Let's be real.

(Disclaimer- I was hit in the head twice today by my boys and then also hit in the nose- so if this doesn't make sense or "flow" if you will- feel free to blame it on my kids. Kidding. Sorta.)

Father Memories

In honor of Father's Day I want to share a few of my favorite memories with my dad.

I've always been a daddy's girl :)

I look so much like my dad and I have a lot of his personality traits. We're both corky, silly, easily amused, love science, and we're both LOUD people!

As a girl I remember feeling like my dad was my best friend and I still sort of feel that way. It's a wonderful mixture of friendship yet I know he would always protect me and be there for me no matter what.

He always had all these sayings. He would say to me in all seriousness "Hey Hammock, did you know..." and he would pause. I would lean in and say "what, WHAT?" all interested in what he was about to say. Then he would finish with a smile and say "....ice cream has no bones" or "....house boats don't have basements" or "...submarines don't have screen doors-" where in the world did he come up with this stuff?!

He's the type of dad that would hide two fingers on his hand and joking say a shark got them. And I laughed every.single.time!

Some of the very first memories of my dad are when I was about 3-4 years old. I would wake up early in the morning (like 5am) and he would be on the couch watching M.A.S.H. I would tip toe into the room and snuggle up to him and "watch" M.A.S.H. with him. Basically I would quickly fall back asleep and he would carry me back to my bed. I would smile the next day like I got away with something sneaky because I had got out of bed!

My dad's birthday is 3 days before mine so we always celebrated it together. I remember blowing out birthday candles every year with him. (Luke's bday and Marcus' is 2 days apart so I'm excited my son gets to experience sharing bday celerbrations with his dad like I did!)

I am a fish like my dad. I love to swim although I don't get around to it much now with the kiddos. But when I was a kid myself I lived in the water. One time I got it in my head that I wanted to swim late fall- I'm talking late Oct/early Nov. I must have been about 9. My grandma had a pool and somehow I convinced my parents to let me get in a swim. It was freeeeezzzing and my dad joined me. We swam around until our lips were blue and I think I even outlasted him! I thought how silly and crazy we were- and we never got sick!

One time my dad and I were in the car a few years ago. While going down the highway and talking he interrupted and said "wow look at the big groundhog by that sign! Do you see it?" I scanned and scanned the tall grass by the road but couldn't see anything. Once we passed it he said "that was a big groundhog"- I mentioned I had never seen one. He then thought it was very important that I see it and turned around. I remember giggling and feeling blessed that I have a dad who would turn the car around so I could see something for the first time. Turns out it was a big cat! Haha :)

These past few years I've had the privilege of watching my dad become a grandpa. It has meant so much to me that he's still around to be there for my boys and that they get to play with him like I got to. Everytime they end up doing tickle attacks on the floor my memory immediately flies back about 25 years to when that was me as a girl having the best time ever. My second son, Lucas, shares my dad's middle name (Wayne) and it felt so good to honor him in that way and pass his middle name along.

As a girl- I thought my dad was the smartest man on earth. He ALWAYS had an answer to my many never ending "why?"s. Then as an adult I realized that sometimes he made up an answer so I'm still sorting through some false things that are floating around in my brain!

Now I may go weeks without seeing him but occasionally we find ourselves at the end of an hour phone conversation where I felt like we talked about everything and nothing at the same time. And every time I hang up I think "yep- he still feels like my best friend" (and my voice is usually gone because we're both loud people and end up yelling during our conversation even though it's a friendly phone call)

He's my dad and I love him- and he might not truly have all the answers but I am thankful that he's never stopped teaching me neat things and sharing the things he does know.

Mom- I know you're going to make dad read this- so I want to say I love you Daddy and I'm one blessed daughter to have you.

I mean, not every dad would turn the car around so their daughter can see a groundhog :)

Peace and Quiet and a very important lunch

I'm currently experiencing something that every parent craves once in a while.

Peace.

And quiet.

Ahhhh- it's nice ::::deep breath::::

Nathan is at daycare. It's my day off from work so I usually wouldn't take him but they are going on a "field trip" today (just a local park) and he asked to go.

When I picked him up from daycare yesterday his teacher told me that he could either bring a lunch for the field trip or the daycare would provide one. I wanted him to eat the daycare lunch since I'm practically giving them my paycheck anyways and food cost money. But he was all like "ooohhh- can you pack me a lunch---pllllease?" And apparently it was a very attractive please because there were some "pretty"s thrown in there.

I had to do a mental scan of the cabinets since we desperately need groceries to even consider if I have something to pack him other than a year old can of lima beans and some stale graham crackers. I thought "I think we have bread that hasn't molded yet- I could make him pb&j" and then turned to his pleading adorable face and said "yes- I'll pack you a lunch"

This morning while I was asking him if he wants blueberry or strawberry jelly- it occurred to me...

This is the first time I have packed him a lunch to take with him.

(I've packed us lunches before for the zoo etc- but I was always with him then- this was the first time I sent him a lunch)

Call me silly but I almost cried. I thought of the thousands of lunches that I will send with him throughout the years- and this was the first.

He was so proud of that little brown bag that said "Nathan C." on the front.

He showed his daddy several times, making sure he knew every item that I had placed in the bag. And how he would know that one was his because he can read his name on it.

He even carried it around the house this morning for an hour while I was feeding Luke and getting everyone dressed.

While I was brushing my teeth he came into the bathroom and hugged my leg (love that) and looked up at me with those big blue eyes and eye lashes that go on forever and said "thank you mommy, thank you for my lunch, I love you"

::::melt::::

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So it's just me and the littlest one today!

Life is all about perspective, isn't it?

A day with a 9 month old seems so easy to me now that I have two kids.

So I'm not sure what the day will bring because for the first time in forever Luke doesn't have any doctor appts right now and I have no plans.

I somehow ended up in a parking lot next to a building with a giant K O H L S on it (how did that happen?!) sipping a white mocha frapp with Luke napping in the back seat.

And suddenly I realized- peace and quiet.

No place to be...

Nothing I have to do... (other than some grocery shopping obviously)

This is nice.

::::sip:::::

Ouch.

Brain freeze.

Cheers!

Indianapolis Children's Museum

Two years ago we went to the Children's Museum in Indianapolis and loved it. Nathan was two at the time and even though he was pretty little it seemed they had enough geared towards his age group that it was more than worth the 2 hour drive.

When I heard they had two new exhibits (Hot Wheels and Legos) and that adults can get in right now for the kids price- I asked Marcus to take off work for a Friday so we can make a day trip out of it. Now don't laugh- but this is was our "summer vacation"- a day trip to the museum. Someday we night make it to Disney or the beach- but for now this will have to do.

Anywho...

We all seemed to enjoy it for different reasons.

Luke had a blast exploring the baby and toddler area while I followed him around saying "no don't put that in your mouth" and "no, we don't eat that" and "Lukey, no no, that's not food". He was so proud of himself when he figured that if he held down this button it would make these balls fly around in the plastic part.

When he wasn't playing he was completely content sitting in the stroller with his feet up sucking his fingers (man, I don't even want to think about how difficult it may be to break that habit someday!)

(sometimes my hair does look like that in the mornings...)

This is the blown glass exhibit. It's pretty nifty. The bench in the middle rotates so you can lay there and look at all the cool pieces of art in the ceiling. They even have some on display that you are supposed to try to find (like a seek and find)

We enjoyed being silly on the rotating bench!

Nathan and Marcus loved looking at all of the hot wheels. I was very interested in the displays that showed how the artist first designs the hot wheel and the steps it takes to bring it to development. The "salt shaker" car was my favorite- it had a cool design.

(and of course the hot wheel made of diamonds caught my eye too...haha)

My favorite part, of course, was the dinosphere. Unlike a lot of museums they actually put a lot of the "real stuff" on display. I could walk around in this part of the museum for hours reading everything. The paleontologist were talking with guests as they worked on making replicas of actual fossils so I got the privilege of picking their brains for a bit. It reminded me of being a kid and happily looking at books about dinosaurs over playing with dolls.

The lego exhibit was jaw dropping...I couldn't believe some of the things people can make out of legos. It made me want to give up my career and go play with legos all day. I can dream right?

On the way home we asked Nathan what his favorite part was.

He said the drink in the cafeteria.

Figures.

:)

33 years

My parents' anniversary is today. 33 years ago they said "I do" and they have.

I'm very blessed to have them as my parents. From my mom's sweet selfless nature to my dad's corky sense of humor- they are wonderful parents and I love them. I am grateful that in a world full of divorce that they pushed through hard times and grew together instead of apart.

We were planning on all having dinner tomorrow to celebrate- but Luke woke up with a fever. And once I saw a few red spots appear on his head, hands, and bottom I realized he has hand, foot, and mouth disease.

Nathan had this twice as a toddler and both cases were mild so I'm hoping Luke's case will be mild too. A few kids at their daycare has had it recently so I have been on high alert for it.

There's nothing you can do for it since it's a virus- but the 103 degree temp has made for a cranky baby today. We've all been lazy today because Luke just wants to be held. It's highly contagious so prayers that no one else will get it!

The Month of Julune

I have some ideas for posts in the coming days/weeks (although few read this- but I mainly write for myself anyways) but for now---here's some randomness.

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I am losing my mind.

Sometimes I can't talk. My brain just forgets how to form words. Ok I'm exaggerating but don't you have those days? Your mouth speeds up and your brain can't catch it.

Yesterday when I was checking a patient out at work (collecting their moola and making a new appointment) I told my patient his next appointment was in Julune.

JULUNE?!

Julune...?

My mild-mannered-never-cracks-a-smile patient burst out laughing and says "Julune?!"- I couldn't help but laugh at myself and shake my head at the month I had created.

I guess June and July fell in love and had a baby girl named Julune.

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My birdies have flown the coop!

And all they've left behind is bird poop and a broken heart!

(kidding about the broken heart part- they did leave behind quite a bit of poop)

Two weeks ago I heard chirping as I was going into the backdoor at work.

I looked around and spotted a bird nest- I tell ya- this momma bird is smart! She picked an ideal place for her nest that required zero work. While other momma birds were frantically flying around collecting twigs I bet this momma bird was sitting around laughing at her own cleverness.

The back door at work is on the second floor and at the top there is this pocket of space under the metal "create" part that you walk on. It's shaded from wind, rain, sun and also would be hard for predators to fit in there.

see?

Down in this metal pocket was (were?was?) a few hungry featherless birdies.

Everyday since I spotted them I've been checking on them. Sometimes I would be aware momma was near because if I got close I would hear a panicked chirp somewhere trying to distract me.

They grew and grew and so did their feathers until yesterday. They were there in the morning and gone by lunch :::tear:::

Could you imagine if our kids grew that fast? That would be horrible! Two weeks and they're gone!

I will miss listening to their chirps while I clean teeth.

Bye bye birdies...

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I was a little late jumping on the Greek yogurt bandwagon but have you guys tried this stuff?

I eat it almost every morning. Now the thought of regular yogurt makes me gag.

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Speaking of food- these are new and delicious!!! It's like a taste of Hawaii on a stick!

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I'm not much of a reality tv fan but my all time favorite reality tv/competition show is back on! So You Think You Can Dance! I so much enjoy watching this show- especially with Marcus.

We've watched it for so long that usually within seconds we can pinpoint which choreographer choreographed the routine. We enjoy seeing previous competitors dance in other things long after the show's over. We're always like "look at the third dancer from the left- it's Courtney!"

This week this guy did a pop n lock hip hop routine to a classical piece. It was simply mesmerizing. I had tears in my eyes. Because of hip hop? Crazy.

I'm not kidding though. The guy's name was Boris. Anyone see it? During the third time I watched it I turned to Marcus and said "I feel like I'm watching something grow. Like a flower"- and he knew exactly how I felt. Yes- corny- but true.

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Polka dot circus afro circus polka dot!

Raaaannnndooommmness

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Luke turns one in August (no.way.) and two days later Marcus will be 30. So we figured we have one big party to celebrate both.

Since August will be here before we know it I figured I better pick a theme and start planning. I've been seeing some amazing thought-out parties online lately (We usually send out a few invites, get pizza and throw up some balloons and streamers- but it seems everyone else out there actually plans and decorates better than I ever did!) and it made me want to do some special things for this party.

Turning one and turning 30 are both pretty big deals!

But I didn't want a generic theme. I wanted something fun.

After a few days of some good ol' ponderin' I finally asked family and friends on facebook. My aunt came up with a PERFECT theme! (thanks aunt Tina)

Starwars!!

Because the party is for Luke and his faaaather.

And Luke Crumbacher sounds like Luke Skywalker.

So yep!!!

Marcus already has a Darth Vader shirt so it was meant to be.

But now---I need Starwars theme ideas.

Anyone??

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How is it that it's almost been a year since he's went from this...

To this...??

(sorry for poor front iphone camera quality)

What If: A Mother's Imagination

(I'm contemplating a few occasional "what if" posts- this being the first. I like to think of what if scenarios- to wonder what life would be like if things were a little different)

This past Friday the boys and I headed to the zoo with my good friend Dana, her two kids and her nephew.

Nathan was beyond excited and all giddy and giggly. It had been about a year and a half since we went due to my being pregnant last summer (preeclampsia and 97 degree weather don't mix)

It was a perfect zoo day. It wasn't very crowded because it was 63 degrees and cloudy so we were able to casually take our time choosing what to see next.

Before lunch we decided to stop at the playground and let the kids get a little energy out.

Dana and I sat there chit chatting while Luke happily laughed on my lap watching the kids play.

In the midst of the occasional mom comments ("Nathan- don't throw mulch" and "Oh ough- he fell- is he ok?" and "stop banging sticks on the metal pole- it's annoying") I kept hearing "arrrrrr" pirate noises with the occasional "aye aye captian."

In their imagination the kids had turned the jungle gym into a pirate ship and were oblivious to the real world. In their minds sticks became swords, the wooden bridge became the plank, and the surrounding mulch became shark infested waters.

It seemed that in the blink of an eye it was easy for them to see things for no longer what they actually were- but for what they could become.

After smiling at their play I turned to Dana and said something along the lines of "When did we lose that? The ability to see things differenty? To get lost in imagination?"

Sometime in the whirlwind of puberty and pimples or even long before that- we loose the ability to truly get lost in the world of make-believe.

When I play with Nathan we pretend the Lego house is a castle and that the hangers are swords- but do those items morph into something my brain dreams up? No. But they still do for Nathan.

And then Dana and I started laughing at the idea of "what if..."

"What if our imagination didn't fade as we grow?"

What if as a mom I suddenly imagined that the grocery aisle was a castle and I began pretending to sword fight my way to the produce section?

What if while folding laundry I dove into the pile of clean baby clothes and rolled around thinking I was in a field of flowers?

What if it was acceptable to be late to work because the whole town broke out into a spontaneous musical number where people who never met before somehow knew the same choreography? (that.would.be.awesome!)

And what if everytime I found myself on a balcony I dreamed I was Juliet being wooed by her Romeo?

Hmmm....

Unfortunately I don't think this would work out too well.

The safety of the world just might be in jeopardy if as adults our imagination allowed us to slip easily between reality and play.

God knew what he was doing when he gave children the most active imagination and not adults.

Although...

This could explain why some people seem crazy....maybe they aren't really crazy...maybe they just didn't lose their imagination?

Perhaps.

My Nephew Nick

I have two nephews.

Cayden is 2 and he's my brother's son.

And Nick is 19. He is my husband's nephew.

I met Nick shortly after Marcus and I started dating in 2002. Nick was just 8- he was a boy! And now he is a man!

I can't believe how much he has changed. He went from a little boy playing karate to a tall thin man about to go off to college. How am I old enough to watch someone "grow up"- that just doesn't seem possible.

I'm proud of him and shocked at how fast time flies. Yesterday we traveled to my husband's hometown and celebrated Nick's graduation and his 19th birthday on the same day.

Gone are the days we used to sit down and play Clue together or have tickle fights. But I look forward to the future God has for him.

We love you Nick. Always remember Jeremiah 29:11- God has good plans for you.