Boo!

Part 3 of Crazy Week...glad that week is over!

My body did not respond well to the new bp medicine. I drifted off to sleep a few times yet since I had trouble relaxing I would quickly wake up.

During the night the nurses injected me with two doses of bp med when it got dangerously high except it didn't lower it more than a few points.

Around 6am I woke up to my heart pounding very slowly. It was a strange sensation where it felt like it was working extra hard yet at a slower rate. My bp was 183/100 and a sense of doom came over me. For the first time during all of this I started crying and was truly scared. I kept praying yet it was hard to feel God's presence although I knew He was with me. 

I haven't told anyone this yet but I felt the presence of my cousin Sara who recently passed away and heard her say "It'll be alright." I thought of my boys and no longer saw a future with them. I felt so bad that I wasn't sure if I was truly going to survive. Health wise people go through much more dangerous scenarios than this all of the time so I can't explain why I suddenly felt this way but I did. I was truly scared. I started praying that God's will be done but pleading with Him to help me. I told God "please, I don't want to be done with this body yet." I was shaking so bad and so cold.

Although I knew my mom had very little sleep I called her crying and said I was scared. I told her my blood pressure has been up all night and she said she was coming right away. I knew Marcus was busy with the boys but I sent him a message to come ASAP.

I got on facebook and told everyone that I was done updating about my condition and people could contact my mom or Marcus. At this point I was so weak that it was very difficult to even hold my phone.

My head was pounding so violently. It was the worst headache I've ever had and it radiated down my back. I was exhausted and restless at the same time and just laid there and cried. After awhile I managed to pick up my phone to search for my favorite hymn (come thou fount) and listening to it calmed me a bit.

Nausea came over me and I ended up getting sick right after they gave me medicine for my headache. 

My mom and Marcus showed up when I was feeling a little better and they stayed with me throughout the day. Nothing was helping the headache except when one of them would massage my head and neck. They kept the room quiet and dark yet my body was so tense I still couldn't relax.

I finally got to see a doctor and he said he was going to run some tests and consult with a cardiologist. My body was still not responding to medication so he said he would be looking into another one to try and I asked for it to be breastfeeding friendly if possible. My frozen stash of breast milk at home was starting to run out and I was wanting to avoid formula if possible. 

Marcus stayed by my side and would support me if I needed to go to the restroom. I was concerned about dehydration because of a water pill they had me on + nursing + not keeping anything down + kidneys seeming to work overtime now that the stone was out.

That day they did an EKG, ECHO of my heart and an MRI to check on my kidneys. 

I also was visited by a cardiologist who listened to my heart and asked me a bunch of questions.

Marcus had to get the boys from daycare but came back at the end of the day. I was feeling worse and was barely coherent when he stopped by that evening. The pain in my head was excruciating and all I remember was Marcus saying my eyes were very blood shot and "why does the chart on the door say your pain level is a zero?" I recall yelling "It's not a zero! It's not a zero!" before drifting off into a restless sleep again.

That night I had a male nurse who told Marcus I was his most important patient at the time because everyone else on the floor was stable except me. The doctor put in an order to try yet another bp medicine (the fourth one they tried) and Hallellujah it worked!!!! 

Friday morning I woke up to a bp that said...

My heart rate also went from low to the "high end of normal."

The nurse, Jason, had spent the night closely watching my vitals, researching if my new bp medication was breastfeeding friendly, and hounding the doctor to approve zofran for my nausea and ibuprofen for my headache per my request. What a good nurse! He was standing in my room when I woke up to that better bp reading and I said "good morning, my bp finally went down!"

My head started to clear that morning and my weird feeling was going away. Other than feeling extremely weak and discomfort from the stent I felt tremendously better.

Marcus came back that morning and we cuddled in the hospital bed trying to rest. After the stressful day before it was so calm and peaceful just to lay next to him. The doctors stopped by to tell me that all of the tests were negative.

In the end, the cardiologist's theory is that my body is very sensitive to epinephrine. With the recent pregnancy and the stress of the stone on my body my adrenal glands must have been (or currrenly still are?) pumping out epi into my system. We're not 100% sure this is what has been going on but it did feel like my body was locked into a "fight or flight" reaction.

With almost normal bp readings I was sent home with directions to take it easy, stay on the bp medication, follow up with the urologist, and see the cardiologist in a month.

I was so happy to be home and be with my babies again!!!

I was weak for a few days and was so grateful to have some friends bring dinner over. At one point there were at least a hundred people praying for me because the word spread via church prayer chains and word of mouth or word of "facebook." I am beyond amazed by all of the support, love, and prayers I received. God did hear you and is helping me to feel more like myself everyday!

The stent is gone now (yay!) and I have returned to work. I take my blood pressure medicine everyday and hope to wean off of it soon. My body still doesn't seem balanced out because at times my bp is really low and other times it's higher than I would like. 

My heart rate is low again but that could possibly be from the medicine. It's still a weird sensation to be rushing or walking quickly and not feel it speed up. I had dizziness for a few days with the medicine but my body is slowly adjusting to it. I'm glad that they found a medicine that not only is safe for Kevin through my milk but that also has few side effects.

Thank you to everyone again for the prayers and for thinking of me. Thanks to our close friends Dana and David to took time out of their evening to drive Marcus' car home from the hospital for us. Thank you to my mom who ran herself ragged not only taking care of my boys and the dog but also being there for me when I needed her. I don't know what I would do without her this past week. My washer also broke during all of this (maybe that's a good thing because it forced me not to get caught up with laundry) and my parents took all of our laundry, washed it, bought us hangers and laundry baskets and returned it to me!!

And not that you ever read my blog but thank you too to my wonderful husband Marcus. Who ran so fast across the airport to get home to me that the luggage broke! You came home for me and took care of me when you got here (He missed a private Imagine Dragons concert too when he left his conference early) The first several days after the hospital he did everything with the older boys so I could camp out in the bedroom feeding and napping with Kevin and regaining my strength. I love you babe. (I would appreciate prayers for him too because he's currently sick with pneumonia. Now it's my turn to care for him!)

I was singing this song in the car today to refocus when stress was getting to me. Great is Thy Faithfulness. I have never paid attention to the third verse but it was something I needed to hear. 

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow."

Couldn't have said it better myself ;)

Part 2 of Crazy Week

Part of me doesn't even want to finish this story because so much new stuff is going on around us that this just seems old although it was only last week. However, since I have most of it already typed out I want to just get it posted and move on from it. Had a massage therapist tell me today that my right kidney is still very swollen so praying that goes down soon. Anywho- thanks for reading my story if you do- I hope to come back with some cute photos or stories of the kids and something more light hearted soon!

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Last Wednesday morning, the day after I was released from the hospital, I was rushing to get the boys out the door for school and daycare. After running around the house for 30 mins I noticed my heart rate was low when my heart should have been pounding. I checked my bp and was still getting high readings.

I decided to drive Nathan to school for the first time because we were running late. I had the boys in the car and was grabbing my keys to go out of the door. That's when I heard a weird noise. Was that the dog? I thought. Then I looked over. Kevin. My baby. Who I thought was already in the car. He was staring up at me from his car seat. God made him coo at the exact moment I was about to leave him. Praise God! I got my baby and we all left while I was getting a little more concerned about my mind set. (I must mention that at this point I felt completely safe driving or I would not have driven my children, however I still felt very weird and not myself.)

I stopped by my work that morning to have a few nurses check my blood pressure because I wanted to know if the readings I was getting were correct. They got around 168/96.

Around noon, after trying to relax the best I could, I ended up calling my urologist to inform him of my bp to see if that was a common problem after a stone removal. They were concerned and told me to get to an urgent care immediately and that I might need to see a cardiologist. This time I did pack my pump and a few belongings just in case.

My "weird" feeling started to grow and I drove myself to an urgent care knowing that I probably wouldn't be driving again for some time.

I get there and wait. Once they finally get me back and I go through the "well I had high bp during my pregnancies but it's otherwise normal but I just had cystoscopy done and a stone removed..." shpeel they end up checking my bp about 6 times, both with the machine and manually. 192/137. 210/115. And other similar readings. My weird feelings kept growing and I started getting a little dizzy.

They gave me a strong bp medicine and had me lay down for awhile while they did some blood work. An hour later I was no different and started to feel even worse. Both of my parents showed up and we started talking with the doctor about what to do and where to go. The conversation got stressful and I felt my bp go up even more. I got very light headed and knew I was about to faint or have a stroke so I ended the conversation and said I just wanted to go to the closest hospital. 

Marcus realized at this point that he definitely needed to get home to me ASAP so he started working on getting a flight home.

After being admitted to the hospital I laid there trying to relax but felt like my own body wouldn't let me. I knew relaxing was important to get my bp down yet I just couldn't. I'd try deep breathing but if I took a deep breath in my body wouldn't let it all out. I felt tense and was very shaky and weak. The hospital bp machine was getting higher and higher readings.

They informed me that I was assigned to a doctor who wouldn't be there until the next afternoon but meanwhile they were going to try a different bp medicine. I was trying my best to relax and still keep close family and friends updated. Marcus sent a text that he was already on a flight and I was so happy he would be with me soon.

After I drifted off to sleep that night I woke up when Marcus walked in. It felt so good to hug him and know he was there. Mentally I was very foggy and he left so I could try to rest.

It ended up being one of the scariest nights of my life so far.

Part 1 of Crazy Week

I'm calling this past week "crazy week" because it surely was. The week literally felt like a month. I'm documenting it because although it's more fun to remember the good times in our lives I want to remember the bad too. God showed up this week when I was afraid and I want to always recall that.

Ever since Kevin was born I have been having come and go back pain on my right side. I would feel something spasm when I bent down and if I did too much housework or a lot with the kids I would sometimes find myself in unbearable pain.

At times was so intense I would get sick, but since it would come and go with the amount of activity I did I was convinced it was a muscle issue that no one could do anything about. I tried heating pads and icy hot and cold packs. I'd be fine for a week but then the pain would hit again. 

Sunday afternoon we were just getting back from visiting family and I was texting a friend of mine who is a doctor. I was asking her some health questions and asking if she thought I should see a doctor the next day. She said "and if you have back pain go to the ER." I was like hmph- I HAVE been having back pain and it's actually coming back right now. It was the first time it occurred to me that maybe this back pain wasn't a muscle. Maybe I had something more serious going on like a kidney infection.

Marcus was scheduled to fly out to Vegas early that next morning for work and I was gearing up to parent alone. I was running around the house preparing bottles and setting out clothes for the next day as the pain began to build. 

I decided to call my OBGYN since I don't have a primary doctor and left them a message. One of the doctors called back and told me to go to the ER and that I might just need antibiotics. I played the "should I or shouldn't I?" game in my head for awhile but as the pain built Marcus and I decided I should just go.

When I got to the ER the pain was continuing to build and (I thought) as a result they were getting blood pressures like this. 202/116! Normally my blood pressure runs 110/70 except those times it when up when I was pregnant.

A little pain medicine, 1 CT scan and a few hours later I'm being told I have a whomper of a kidney stone (8mm) and will need a stent placed in the morning.

Since this was a relatively minor procedure we agreed that Marcus should still go on his trip since my mom said she could help with the boys.

I ended up spending the night in the hospital and asked them if they could provide a breast pump because other than bringing my cell phone charger I did not come prepared.

Those sterile "specimen" collection cups ended up being perfect for storing breast milk in! They had me staying in the oncology area since they had a free room for me and this place was like a suite! It was a huge room and very nice. The nurses there aren't used to having nursing mommas for patients so they were all curious about the pump and how long the milk would be good for in the fridge.

The next day while Marcus was almost two thousands miles away I went under general anesthesia to have the stone busted up and a stent placed in my ureter.

The whole time I was in the hospital my bp was way up and my heart rate was low. In fact, the alarms on the machines before my procedure kept going off because my heart rate was in the 40's.

When I was coming out of the fog of anesthesia I heard the nurses around me talk about my bp and how it was too high. The nurse said she was told to treat me for it if the diastolic number (the bottom number) got over 107. When it did she gave me some medicine in my IV and the urologist stopped by to tell me the procedure was a success.

When they wheeled me back to my room my mom was waiting for me. After everyone kept asking beforehand "who's waiting for you in the waiting room?" and I had to keep saying "no one" it was really nice to have someone there for me. 

I got to go home the next day (Tuesday). I was experiencing a lot of discomfort from the stent but wasn't in pain. My mom and I were a little concerned about them sending me home since my bp was still up but the urologist didn't seem too concerned. I was told to just keep an eye on it.

I missed my babies and was glad to be home with them although I was starting to wish Marcus was home too.

It was the weirdest thing to see them again. It had only been two days but something about going under general anesthesia sort of "reset" my memories. It was hard for me to recall having Kevin although it was just a few months ago.

That evening at home I noticed that I didn't feel right. My brain felt stuffy and I sort of had a "dreamworld" euphoria feeling going on. Although I had no drugs in my system other than an antibiotic I felt like that infamous post dental-work kid who said "Is this real life...???"

I decided to take my blood pressure a few times before bed and was getting readings around 175/115. Could that be right? Other than feeling a little weird I wasn't in any sort of pain and thought maybe I just needed sleep (after all everyone knows you get no sleep in the hospital).

I thought I would just rest the next day and then be back to me old self but I was wrong.

it's official...

...I'm a parent.

Walking into the school for Nathan's kindergarten parent/teacher conference yesterday was a little surreal for me.

I sort of felt like I was getting a patch for my Girl Scout sash that says "you're a real parent now!"

 (What would be the symbol for a patch like that? a butt with poop smeared all over it? a snot stained shirt? One of the many "badges" of parenthood?)

You would think that the sleepless nights and pacing-the-floor-with-a-crying-baby moments of their infancy would cause the fact that I'm a parent sink in. But nope. It comes in waves for me, those "wow I'm really a parent and these are my kids and I'm 100% responsible for them!!!" moments.

Nathan's teacher is a first time teacher this year and she's wonderful. I am so impressed with the school in general. I'm grateful that in a day and age where public schools get a bad rep that my children have the privilege of going to a school where they can hopefully thrive.

His teacher (I'll call her Ms.E) was handed this child of mine at the beginning of the school year who was going through some major adjustments. He left his routine of daycare to start school right after Kevin was born. I was hormonal and tired and well things were just crazy at home for awhile (okay...still is a little bit).

Marcus and I were so relieved that Ms.E said she was seeing a huge improvement in Nathan's behavior. He is trying so hard to follow directions and not talk out of turn. The biggest behavior thing we still need to work on more at home is respecting the personal space of other people and keeping hands to ourselves.

Ms.E addressed Nathan's initial behavior issues by placing him at a table alone instead of sharing a table with other students (they sit 4 to a table). It has helped a lot and she hopes to move him back soon. 

Although I knew that she had done this via e-mail, it still broke my heart a little to walk into his class room a few weeks ago and see Nathan alone at the back of the room. I didn't let him see my reaction though. I asked him about how he felt sitting there at his very own big table and he said he likes it. I was relieved that there was no sign of feeling left out.

I did mention my concern about how often Nathan loses some or all of recess (he usually loses 5-15 minutes daily for misbehavior). There seems to be a cycle of him getting in trouble at the end of the day (usually from running in the classroom or play fighting with other students) and as punishment he would lose some of recess for the next day. The next day would come and he would have to stand still during recess and then would once again get in trouble at the end of the day and so forth. I was worried he wasn't getting his "little boy energy" out at recess and that it was a part of the problem of why he would get in trouble later in the day. I asked if there was anything that could be done to break this cycle like maybe having him walk or run in a certain area instead of having to stand still. After all it's the lack of socialization during recess that is the punishment- not having to stand still. She said that it was a good idea and that she can try that.

Academically Ms. E said Nathan is far ahead where they want them to be at this stage and is already trying to write sentences! He is drawing pictures and labeling things, trying to sound them out and spell them the best he can (i.e. flers for flowers) He picks up on sight words quickly and I'm going to start sitting down and helping him read Dr. Seuss books because he's almost ready for that. 

When we are out and about he always points out words he knows and tries to sound out the ones he doesn't. We were in a bathroom the other day that had a sign on the wall (I can't remember what it said) but he was able to figure out some of the words by sounding them out. He gets excited every time I say "Nathan, do you know what you are doing? You're reading!!!"

Ms. E noticed early on that Nathan finished his school work quickly (not rushing through it but just completing it sooner) so she began giving him extra things that he could choose to do which has helped keep him from getting bored. She is eager to challenge him and I love to hear that!

My favorite part of the meeting was looking at Nathan's writing "journal." He would draw and color a picture and then label and write about it.

On one day he wrote "Kevin makes me feel wonderful" with a drawing of his baby brother.

Another day he drew his version of spending the day with me at the family farm on a school field trip. I was scanning the picture that he drew and looking at the little pumpkins he colored and the rain falling from the sky. I noticed he drew a big person and little person standing in a pumpkin patch. The big person had a pink shirt and long hair and I thought Awww! That's me! but then I noticed the face of his "mommy drawing." The eyes and nose and...

...a big huge FROWN!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(I sooooo wanted to include a picture on here but the teacher kept his journal since the students are still adding to it)

I guess he'll never forget the fun day we shared that might have included us fighting over the umbrella when it started to pour at the pumpkin patch (for the record I didn't care about getting wet but didn't want my phone to get soaked and be ruined, new phone = expensive)

Oh my. I'm haunted by that frowny face. All day it keeps popping up in my mind and I smile a little because it's just so amusing. I hope he remembers all of the smiles and laughs we also shared that day!

Marcus and I left the meeting with a sigh of relief to be honest. It was a rough beginning of the year but Nathan is starting to act like himself more and I am delighted to have him as our son. We are so proud of him and excited for the rest of the school year.

After all, not everyone gets the privilege of wearing the "parent" badge and I'm proud and blessed to wear it.