Smish Smash (Randoms)

It seems everyone is lovin' them some fall.

It's always been my favorite time of year as well. Sweaters, pumpkins, crinkly dry leaves, the colors? Oh the colors. God didn't have to do that. He could have made the dead leaves turn an ugly brown when they were dying. But maybe, just maybe, He wanted to show us that death can be beautiful. That dying to ourselves- laying our life down and taking up His life for us- is the most beautiful thing. I know, I know, I can read into anything. But I can't help it- the leaves always make me think about salvation.

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Speaking of fall- I got out my fall decorations the other day and laughed. For some reason I was thinking I had quite a bit but only pulled out a few things from the container. That's ok- it doesn't take much to put me in the fall mood. Hoping to slowly acquire some more fall decor in the future.

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Running? Ehhhh not-so-much.

I mentioned wanting to start running a little but honestly haven't had the chance. Marcus has traveled recently for work and I don't have a double stroller or treadmill so I haven't been able to figure out when to run. I know- excuses excuses.

It's still something I want to do but for now I'm thinking about doing an at home workout routine that I can do after the kids go to bed. At least until Marcus isn't as busy with work. Aug-Nov is always his busiest season.

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I'm trying to adapt to our temporary new routine which involves a lot more time at church. This week I was at church three nights in a row. Everything we are involved in is temporary and although I knew it would be chaotic doing it all at once we did it anyway.

Tuesday night I had the opportunity to go to a mom's night out event and twisted her arm encouraged Leslie to join me. It was just a fun time doing a family tree painting.

This was mine.

I'm not done with it yet. See the squiggly thing in the orange leaf on the left side? I was writing "M" to put "Marcus" in the leaf (each leaf is a family member) but the marker they had bled so I've yet to add the names. Also they only had poster paint to paint with instead of acrylic so it was a bit difficult since the paint was really thin. But that's ok- still a fun night out!

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These? Auhmazing!

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About two weeks ago I decided to stop pumping milk at work and still continue to nurse when I'm with Luke (typically morning, after daycare, and before bed) This does mean my very little remaining stash of milk is almost depleted because one night a week Luke is put to bed by a babysitter and I have her give him a small bottle. However, that's ok because in a way I'm freeee!!! Free from that pump at least. I don't mind not being completely free from Luke yet. He's not ready to be done nursing yet and I'm not either so we're just gonna keep on keepin' on. Plus it's literally the only time I get a chance to hold my wiggly worm. He is so not a cuddlier like Nathan is.

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This movie looks awesome and according to Karen Kingsbury (my all time favorite author) it's one of the best movies she's ever seen.

It has a limited release in select theaters (none near me, unfortunately) but hopefully it does well and is released more widely. It seems like an amazing story and is inspired by true events about the loss of loved ones, struggles of faith, and revelations of just how much God loves us.

http://unconditionalthemovie.com/

If it's in a theatre near you check it out and support this movie with a great message.

Have a great weekend!

To Myself...

A Letter To My 50 Year Old Self,

Wow. 50? Does it seem like yesterday you were having babies and watching them grow? Life was so busy it flew by? Now you are probably watching your children's children grow.

You must know now what my mom meant everytime she said "It's different in your 50's" Does your energy fade quicker now? Are you not able to get by with 5 hours of sleep like you could when you were younger? Is your reflection different? "Who's face is that in the mirror?" you must wonder.

Do you see those wrinkles? Do you trace them with your finger and wonder how they snuck up so quickly? The ones that frame your mouth- remember that those are from laughing at Nathan's silliness. The ones around your eyes- they developed from smiling at your husband during those times that you realized you definitely don't deserve him but he loves you anyways. The forehead wrinkles are from raising those eyebrows in the "oh no you didn't" look you gave your children when they misbehaved.

Your body is different now. It's a little worn out. It's a little wrinkled and saggy. But please remember and take it to heart. The reason it's like that is because you grew your babies in that body. They stretched you as their little bodies grew. You pushed them out and nourished them with your own body. They scratched you, climbed on you, head banged you, blew their noses on you. They are the little ones who wore that body out and I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way.

Can I ask you a question 50 year old me? Did it matter? All those times I stuck to my word even though it was hard? The times I probably should have but I didn't? The discipline? The love? The books I read to them? The booboos I kissed and hugs I gave? Did my children feel loved? Secure? Did they grow knowing I would do anything for them? Is it worth it? Did I train their hearts? Did the times I said "no" build their character? Did I prepare them for life in this world?

Did they forgive me when I slipped up and yelled when I shouldn't have? When I punished the wrong child? When I was late to a soccer game or couldn't make it on that field trip because I was working?

Did I really make a difference? Did they grow into wonderful adults who put God first and are filled with compassion for others? I desperately hope so. My soul prays for it.

I know what you are thinking. You probably wish you could go back in time and tell me to savor the moments. Less cleaning and more playing? I'm trying. I promise. It's hard. There are times I know I should just stop "doing" and just "be". But the laundry has to be done. Cooking has to be done. Cleaning has to be done. I can't completely throw it all out the window. So please please know that I tried. That between loads of laundry I grabbed a book to read to my kids. That even if it was only a few minutes I laid down on the floor and let them climb on me while giggling. I tried. It's so fleeting. I can feel it. Time slipping away through my fingers like sand. I want to grab it but I feel like the harder I hold on the faster it goes.

So please remember. You loved and cherished. Don't have regrets. You did your best. Yes you made mistakes. Some small. Some big. But they have made you into who you are today. Your mistakes taught your children that no one is perfect except God and if you lean on Him anything is possible. So own those wrinkles. Wear them proudly. Each one is a precious precious memory.

Love,
You at 29 years old

K is for art

Marcus' family is from a small town in Indiana called New Harmony. It's sort of tourist attraction around here because it's a failed utopia. The mascot from the school Marcus attended was the Rappite (a follower of the man who founded the utopia, I'm told) so his "followers" were the Rappites.

But it failed. Because utopias are all nice and stuff in theory except it doesn't work. Not here on earth. But what was left was this neat little historic town that has many original buildings and houses and gives you that "small town feel."

While visiting family in New Harmony this past weekend we decided to check out the 30th annual Kunstfest (it means "art" in German). We strapped Luke in the stroller and Marcus, Nathan, my mother in law Dale, and I enjoyed the perfect pre-fall weather and looked at booths of homemade trinkets and ooo'ed and ahhhh'ed at all the yummy food (except the pig brain sandwiches- I wasn't aware that people ate pig brains. I usually try all things once but had no desire to try that although I hear it's delicious-eeeee)

I love this photo! I just have a basic point and shoot camera that I hardly know how to work but sometimes I feel like I can get a decent photo out of it (even if my the reflection of my hands is in the picture). This is Nathan inside of a firetruck. Unfortunately my camera died immediately after taking this so the rest of the photos are courtesy of my iphone.

This is an "outside church"...basically it's four brick walls that enclose this huge courtyard with this amazing dome on one end. This is where my brother in law and sister in law got married.

The New Harmony Welcome center. It was interesting to me that a town with a lot of history has such an abstract/new architecture welcome center.

Historic Cabins. I couldn't imagine living in one of these with a huge family. I bet they were happy though. Too busy surviving to worry about silly things.

 Enjoying homemade ice cream.

I saw this sweet blankie and Dale bought it for Luke. He loves it!

I bought Nathan this top for $1. Best money ever spent. 

(We were visiting Marcus' grandma in the nursing home here)

It's always nice getting away for the weekend and just hanging out with family. We had a little drama while we were there because Nathan's cheek swelled up and we couldn't figure out what was wrong. He was in a little pain from it. A trip to the Urgent Care on Sunday led to a vague diagnoses of parotitis- basically his parotid gland was swollen but we'll never know why. Thankfully it's been getting better every day since.

Intentions and Actions

I feel like in a way I've always been an intentional person. I think of things people need or things I can do for others. I dream up how I would go about helping them. What I could buy them. What meal they might enjoy if I cooked for them.

But then I'm snapped out of my thoughts by my screaming toddler and my oldest son who despite the fact that he ate 3 minutes ago is on the verge of tears because he is SOOO hungry. The dog starts jumping on me because he has to go outside to do this business and then I remember that I have to wash cloth diapers and oh right it's bath night for the kids.

Sometimes in the chaos of life with young children there is a quiet whisper in my heart. It's God telling me that I should do ______ for so and so. Unfortunately it's often brushed away with the "I'm too busy. I have two kids and work." excuse.

But the older I get the more and more God keeps sending me the message..."It's not about you."

And it's not. I'm not that important. I'm nothing really. By myself, that is. My only value comes from Who created me and Who loves me and Who saved me. I think deep down we all know that but it's so hard to live that. We come from the womb so needy but somewhere along we way the world or our parents or other people teach us that we're not the center of the universe. It's really not about us.

A few weeks ago at church the pastor was discussing salvation and how to obtain it. That it's a gift. It's not earned by us. The earning was already done for us. We are not saved by good works but we are saved for good works. I felt the tug on my heart. God was saying "I know you are busy, I know you are tired, but every little bit counts."

You see- I tend to be a "go big or go home" type of person in some situations. I do that when it comes to helping others. I dream up this huge plan to help someone in some way or make a really nice meal for them with salad, bread, entree, dessert...and I set up this goal that quickly becomes intimidating and overwhelming.

Maybe I start to think about the times I tried to help someone and they took it as an insult. That by helping them they thought I was saying that they are incapable. Maybe they felt like I was "stepping on their toes."

Maybe incidences start to creep to the forefront of my mind from past experiences where my help went unnoticed (Which I know should never be my reason for helping in the first place- but in my sin it's easy to want that recognition and it's something God has had to work on with me as I grow older. Anonymously helping someone has really helped me grow in this area- it's so much more joyful!)

In the end I often just brush the whole idea to the side and put it in my mental "if I ever get time..." file.

I think what God has been telling me lately is that there are a million opportunities to glorify Him even in small ways. This is so important for me to take to heart in this season of my life when I'm busy whipping snotty noses and kissing boo-boos. Every little bit does count. How many times has someone helped me in a small way yet it felt gigantic to me? A lot.

My goal for myself is to try to turn more intentions into actions. Planning ahead. Don't just think it- do it. And  not to get disappointed if I can't quite do it the way I wish I can.

One small thing I've started doing is keeping those disposible aluminum serving containers handy. Then if I think about someone I can make a meal for- I have everything I need. I'm trying to eliminate the easy excuses for things.

I have a long way to go when it comes to serving others. I'm such a selfish person and my own desires often get in the way of what I could be doing for someone else. But God has promised to continue His good work in me until the day of completion and He always fulfills his promises. He's not done with me yet. I just hope I learn to look up from my busy life more and see what can be done in His name.

My prayer is that helping others becomes a norm in our family. That it becomes a part of our day to day life. It may only start out as my children seeing me help or contributing in their small way but eventually I pray it becomes part of their character and defines them.

Learning how (and when and where) to serve others is something that I could never do alone but with God's help I can start taking baby steps in this area of my life and hopefully bring Him more glory by loving those around me. I just keep telling myself "Every little bit counts!"

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Star Wars Party: Pinata and Jumpy House (and the end...)

In case you missed it...you can click it!

Luke's 1st year slideshow, The Star Wars Party: Decorations and Food, The Star Wars Party: The Cake and Presents

(Sorry it took so long to finish the birthday recap. I'm sure it's not so interesting anymore! This week has been out of the ordinary- lots of new stuff and it's been a little crazy. Hoping to get more posts up soon.)

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Since I knew so many people were coming and the place would have been pretty crowded we had some outside seating areas set up and a bouncy house for the kids. However, when people first showed up it was over 90 degrees outside and just too hot to be out there. So after the cake and presents we all just hung out in the house for awhile.

(Jacob and Katie playing with a toy)

(Shelly and Dana)

(The Hallidays)

(Kiba enjoying all of the attention)

(Luke getting a snack)

Luke's previous helmet served as the guest book. I thought it would be a fun keepsake!

Thankfully, about and hour and half into the party it cooled down quite a bit and we got to enjoy some outside time and the kids got to play in the bounce house (until us adults kicked them out so we can jump...hehehehe)

All of the little Darth Vaders!!!

I gave the each of the kids their party favor so they could also use the bag to collect candy from the pinata. I didn't get a picture of the party favors but they included a Star Wars cup, Star Wars stickers, Star Wars fruit snacks, hot wheels for the big boys, a book for the little boys, and a jump rope for the girls. They also each got to keep the Darth Vader masks and light sabers (made out of pool noodles)

Pinata time---the Death Star didn't have a chance!

(Nathan and Katie enjoying more pizza after the party died down)

(Corn hole)

(The birthday boys at the end of the party- pooped out!)

What a great birthday celebration! It was fun to plan, a little stressful to get ready in time, and a hectic but exciting day! Thanks to everyone who helped and those who traveled to be here. We love you all!

Star Wars Party: The Cake and Presents

(Sorry there are so many photos! I kept trying to figure out how to make a photo slideshow- not like a movie and not like powerpoint- but one that you get just click through. I couldn't find a program that does it so if anyone knows of one- let me know!)

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I posted here about the decorations and food that was served at the co-birthday party we held in honor of Marcus and Luke.

We had it at our house and ended up having almost 50 people come! It was a bit crowded but we were grateful to be so loved by so many people.

The day before the party- Luke's actual birthday! 1 year!

The Birthday Boys!

I wasn't sure what Luke would do with his cake because the only time I've given him anything containing sugar was a little piece of cookie the day of his actual birthday (I did find out that daycare gave him a cookie once though) I'm not sure why I've been more strict with what he eats (limiting sugar, no cow's milk, etc) Maybe because my oldest is so picky so since Luke will eat anything I'm wanting to make sure he continues loving fruit and veggies right now. But he did enjoy his cake and didn't seem to mind the 100 eyes watching him!

His reaction when I took it away.

Here's some of the kids enjoying their food. We had 14 kids at the party!

I didn't see Luke and Marcus open most of their presents. I decided to sit and just talk with friends and let Marcus and Luke enjoy opening presents together. I have no idea who got them what though so I don't know if I'll ever get thank you cards out- oops!

(This hat sang and flipped around- so funny- Marcus' mom got it.

Marcus was a good sport and "modeled" it for us!)

His favorite present is a taxi my mom got him. I remember always wanting a little car like this when I was a kid! He loves this thing. The picture on the top right cracks me up!

Darth Vader(me) versus The Red Halliday- the fight is on!

Ooooh and Darth goes down. Victory for The Red Halliday!!

One more post soon about the piñata (which was so much fun) and the bouncy house- and of course more pictures. I like pictures. Can't you tell?

not so short ramblings

The Sickies and Second Guessing

Last week Luke got pretty sick. It started with a nasty diaper on Wednesday morning and by that night he had a 104 temp.

I'm not the type to freak out about a fever. Fevers are good in a way- they help to fight off whatever is ailing you. I don't medicate my children for low grade fevers but since it was a higher one I did give him ibuprofen. But it wouldn't go down. At all. Stayed 104. Even with a lukewarm bath.

And oh the diapers. The diapers. Seriously, like 15 times a day or more he had diarrhea. I'm grateful this kid is still breastfed because otherwise I might had to worry about dehydration.

After a rough night I called the doctor on Thursday to see if it would even be worth bringing him in since he had his 1yr well visit already scheduled for the next day anyways. Plus, with the constant diarrhea and the high fever I assumed it was a virus that the doctor wouldn't be able to help with anyways.

The nurse said to just keep his appointment the next day but if his fever got higher to take him to the ER.

Marcus got home around 7, snuggled Luke and got a good look at him, and said I should take him to the ER because he looked awful.

He really did seem bad. At this point he couldn't even keep his eyes open because he was so out of it. Plus it seemed like the 104 temp was starting to creep higher.

The next hour and a half I played the "should I or shouldn't I?" game.

I would make up my mind to take him but before I packed the diaper bag I would tell myself  just wait til the morning. There is nothing the hospital can do for him. Then I would feel his forehead again and think I should take him but then it will just be a large bill that probably won't solve anything since it's most likely a virus. I would look into his glassy eyes and think but what if his fever gets higher tonight?

I heard my husband's voice in my head saying  just take him rival other opinions floating around in my mind. Where was my mother's instinct? Why wasn't I feeling a pull in one direction? Take him or wait it out? Should I just do it since Marcus, being the head of our household, thinks I should?

Back and forth. Gah. Why do I do that to myself? Why is it easier for Marcus to just decide and not second guess his decisions but for me to second guess many decisions I make?

I know it's because I want to make the best decisions for my kids and my family. However I wish I could be a little more firm in my choices like my husband is.

Finally at 8:30 something snapped in me- my mothering instinct kicked in. I decided although they probably can't help it would be better to take him. Marcus certainly thought I should and his opinion weighed heavier than anyone else's.

Marcus had to continue working from home so I quickly put Nathan to bed, grabbed the diaper bag and Luke and left for the emergency room.

Even on the drive there I was second guessing myself and felt like I needed affirmation for the decision I was making.

The hospital really didn't do much in the end. But with a larger dose of medicine they did get his fever down a few degrees. Later I was thinking that they should have at least tested for strep. But then again I was so tired I didn't think to request it.

(At the ER)

Although his fever went back up later that night I don't regret taking him to the hospital. Everything happens for a reason. Who knows- maybe if I didn't take him his fever would have inched past 105 and eventually led to a seizure or worse?

The next day the doctor ran a strep test and some basic blood work. Everything came back negative. He also thought it was a type of virus especially since Luke's spleen felt enlarged. He mentioned it could be hand, foot, and mouth disease because he did have some red spots in his throat. But I didn't really think that's what he had and the doctor didn't either but had to throw that out there.

(At the doctor)

He also mentioned it could be roseola which is a fairly common virus in children 6m to 3yr and that I would know if that was it if Luke broke out in a rash once the fever broke.

Sure enough- on Saturday- he did.

(roseola rash)

I was grateful that Monday I was off work for the holiday because Luke still felt pretty bad. On Tuesday it broke my heart a little to take him to daycare feeling awful but he was no longer contagious and since my sick time is gone at work I had no other choice. He didn't have a good day there- ate little- was fussy. But the girls took good care of him and by Thursday I felt like he was himself again. We are grateful that it ended up being something not too serious.

Seems like he's making his way through all the classic childhood diseases. What's next little guy? Please let momma stock up on some sick time first mmkay?

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Nathan

Oh this child of mine.

He is currently walking around with a third eye taped on his forehead claiming he is an alien.

On the way home from daycare today he was talking about how he's glad he doesn't live on the same planet that God flooded once and how he's glad that people on this planet know how to make cars because the people on Noah's planet had no cars. Hahahaha...son...you are a little confused. I love our converstations.

He can't wait to be a dad. He talks about it all the time. And how he wants 10 kids. Always 10. That he's going to need to work a lot to buy beds for his 10 kids. And that he just can't wait to boss them around. Apparently he thinks this parenting gig is all fun and no work. Haha kid. Ha. Ha.

Oh how he knows how to push my buttons. I'm stubborn. He's stubborn. And I feel like I'm arguing with myself many times. I would dread the teenage years with this one but I don't because I already feel like we're there. The questioning of my authority. The thinking he knows more than me. The attitude. I think my mom is secretly happy that I'm getting to experience what it was like raising me. Or not "happy" but glad I might understand what I put my parents through a little. I pray daily for help to raise this child because I'm going to need it. But what a joy he is. He makes my heart so happy.

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I can see!

I got new glasses last week. I love them. Well- I do now. At first I couldn't get used to the prescription. Everything looked too clear- like my eyes saw so well that it was tiring them out. And the depth perception was weird. Things far away looked too magnified. But it's a week later and I'm used to them and love them. Yay!

 

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The Melting Puddle

Today I bought a pair of capris to run in.

Wait. run? Wait a minute. I DON'T RUN! But...I'm going to. Hopefully. Maybe? I mean---yes. yes!I!AM!

I'm one of those people that whenever I attempted running in the past it felt like the pavement soaked all energy from my body in 2 nanoseconds and then I would melt like a puddle and seep to the side of the road like soup.

But I need to do something to get healthier. We don't have a membership to a gym so I figure this is something I can do in the afternoons once Marcus gets home a few times a week. I'm going to use the couch to 5k app. Someday it would be awesome to do a 5k but that freaks me out a bit.

Actually I didn't know how scared I was about this whole thing until I went to pray about it today in the car and as soon as I did I burst out in tears. What in the world? Crying? About running?!

Apparently I'm nervous and scared. But excited too. There are several fellow bloggers who have recently had successful running stories- who were completely non runners like me and now are what I would consider "runners" athought they don't want to be labeled that. I want to be that. I want to someday be inspiration for someone else like they are for me.

Marcus' work schedule is insane the next week but once that settles down and he can be home with the kids in the evenings a little I'm actually going to do it. Eeek!


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I saw this at Home Goods and thought it would be really pretty to serve things in since it matches my leaf theme in my kitchen and living room. I thought it would be about $40 and it was $14.99! But I didn't get it today though.

I was there to get a gift for my cousin who is getting married tomorrow. I'm so excited for her! She has red hair like my Luke :o) I love going to weddings but since pretty much all my friends are now married we don't get to go to many these days. It's always reminds people of their own weddings so sit and listen to the vows. I'm sure I'll be looking at Marcus all smitten hehe.

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Ok- that was supposed to be short but oh well.

Have a good weekend! To whoever reads this. Someone does right? Hello? Mom?

If you have stumbled to my blog please say hi- I would enjoy it!