Loss

My sweet, lovely, kind and wonderful cousin, Sara, went to be with Jesus Monday evening.

She was 34 years old and left behind her husband, Jason, and two girls Meagan (age 12) and Kayla (age 9)

Five years ago at the age of 29 Sara was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer which is the most aggressive form of breast cancer. It's hard to diagnose because there usually isn't a knot...instead it presents as a "web" and it hard to feel in the breast. By the time they found it it has metastasized.

I'm not going to describe the extent of treatment that Sara went through but trust me when I say it was graphic, invasive, and something no one should have to endure. She fought this. She fought it hard. And she fought it with a smile on her face.

(Sara on left and her twin sister Stephanie on the right)

Sometimes when a loved one passes away people sweep all of the negative things about them under a rug never to be brought up again. Only the good is remembered. But honestly- with Sara- I can't think of one single thing that would be swept under a rug. The good is only remembered with her because she was so good and brave and lovely. Of course no one is perfect but she had such an authentic and genuine spirit. The kind of person that always sees the good in people and wants to lift those around her even when she's the one that might need lifted up the most.

She believed in Jesus and claimed Him as her Savior. She knew where she would go when her time came. A few weeks ago she was given 2-4 months by the doctors but Jesus took her sooner than that. She was ready. It makes the heartache so much more bearable knowing that she was a believer and that I will see her again. I'm not sad for her. I can't be. She's in heaven in God's presence.  But my heart goes out to her young girls and her husband. It's a pain that no one can identify with unless they've been there but I know they take comfort too in knowing she's no longer suffering.

Last week I went to see Sara in the hospital when the doctors told us that it wouldn't be long. Marcus stayed home with the bigger boys and I brought Kevin with me. She hadn't met Kevin yet and I really wanted her to meet him. Although she was in pain and had difficulty breathing (the cancer had destroyed her lungs) she still was smiling and loving on those around her. She smiled at Kevin and touched his sweet head. And when I told her bye and that I loved her I brought Kevin close to her face and she kissed his forehead. It's a moment I'll never forget.

(Sara and Nathan)

(Sara and Luke)

Monday afternoon Sara got to leave the hospital to go home under hospice care. She was only home a few hours before she took her last breath.

It makes me smile to think "She went home to go Home."

(Sara and I, celebrating her 34th birthday in July)

It's funny that when a loved one passes suddenly little "insignificant at the time" snippets of memories rise to the surface. Like how on her wedding day the hair stylist made her hair into an actual bow (I don't have a picture but it was cute) I'm not talking adding a bow- her hair formed a bow above her veil and it took her and Jason forever to get all of the bobby pins and hair spray out. And when I was going to go to my junior prom I went to her house and she let me try on all of her formal gowns and I picked this lovely periwinkle dress of hers to wear. And on Christmas day 2010 when I wasn't sure if my pregnancy test was positive or not I took it to her and we studied it by the window in my mom's house to see if two lines were really present (they were, hence Luke)

Although her loss is felt so deeply to those who knew her the memories run even deeper.

Please pray for Jason and the girls to feel God's comfort during this time.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. John 14: 1-4