Yanno. Mr. Banks? The dad from Mary Poppins?
If you haven't seen it- the dad is a little too serious when it comes to his kids acting like kids. He wants them to grow up now and put childishness aside.
I'm sometimes a strange mixture of seriousness and silliness. I am usually quick to be silly with my children. Doing a funny voice, playing peekaboo, making up a song, making funny faces, tickle attacks. However, lately I too often have been expecting Nathan to...well, not act like a child.
This doesn't have to do with behavior issues---more along the lines of sometimes being annoyed at his childishness. It's like occasionally I wish he was this adult in a little 4 yr old's body. I find myself rushing him into adulthood.
It's like when I'm annoyed that my dog is being a dog and has dog needs. I really have no right to be annoyed at something for being what it is.
Please don't get me wrong---I LOVE my children and I love that they ARE children but sometimes the "kid" in them causes friction with the "adult" in me.
Mr. Banks wanted his kids to grow up and everyone kept reminding him "they are just children." I need to keep reminding myself "Nathan is only a child" and soak in every bit of his innocence and childhood while I can. Because before long he will be all too serious (with some silly mixed in, hopefully)
Parenthood is hard because we're supposed to prepare them for adulthood, help shape who they will become, but do it in an ever so delicate pace. Too fast and you push so hard you run over their childhood. Too slow and they become immature.
I prayed this morning for God to remind me that Nathan is still little. That he's just a small child.
It didn't take long for Him to answer my prayer.
Usually when I wake Nathan up in the morning he rolls out of bed and heads to the bathroom. This morning I went into his room and woke him up and he immediately flew into my arms. He needed me to hold him for a minute. He needed to be a little 4 yr old being comforted by his mommy.
I don't know if he had a bad dream or what. But I do know in that moment, feeling his small form wrapped around me, God reminded me that he is still a small child. That embrace warmed my heart and melted some of the selfishness inside of me (because I know most annoyances stem from my own selfishness)
I'm grateful for my silly, childish, first born and I'm glad he's still small enough for me to hold like a baby.
Hopefully somewhere along the journey of parenthood I will stumble upon that perfect pace---to run alongside my children encouraging them but also leading them in the right direction. Embracing their childishness every step of the way.
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